Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The Return Of Mr. Bill.

Should I Worry...

that my political opinions are well expressed by Bucky Kat?

You Really Need To Get Out More.

I am amazed at people who make comments on old posts. A few months ago there was the visit from the St. Joan of Arc liturgical dancer. Yesterday, I noticed via the sitemeter that someone had discovered a post over a year old concerning a Franciscan brother who writes 'icons' whose theological content is best described as heretical. This fellow seems displeased I, among others, took umbrage at the homoerotic, syncretic, and downright strange subjects of some of these 'icons'.

I found this aside of his rather amusing, "supposedly by a Catholic priest (I say supposedly, because I really don't know if he is or not, and he doesn't sound like many priests I know), commenting rather spiritedly (and negatively) about Br. Robert Lentz, ofm, a contemporary icon writer." He needs to get out more and experience the greater variety of clergy and then perhaps he might realize what exactly was wrong with those icons.

BTW, this reminds me of a seminary story. One of my friends was having a meeting with one of the seminary's PPCP (Polyester Plain Clothes Penguins). (No it wasn't the Ice Queen.) Suffice it to say that there was no love lost between the two. Sister commented to the fellow, "You are one of the most unpleasant men I have ever met." To which my friend replied, "Oh sister, you need to get out more."

Sunday, June 22, 2008

The Pastoral Fun Never Stops.

Most parish priests will tell you that they have learned to do things they were never taught in the seminary. Accounting, plumbing, electrical work are just a few things that come to mind. Even more esoteric disciplines can be added, like snake-wrangling.

My parish is right next to the Wasatch Mountains and we get visited by lots of wildlife. I have had deer and elk in the backyard. (BTW, the bulldogs aren't fond of elk.) A couple of years ago, there were pheasants nesting here. We also have lizards and snakes. Usually, the snakes are of the harmless varieties; garter snakes, blow snakes, king snakes, and gopher snakes. However, sometimes a rattler will make an appearance and once we even had a coral snake.

Today, we had a visit from a little gopher snake. After the 9:30 am Mass, I was in the social hall mainlining my second cup of coffee when one of the kids came up to me and said, "Father, there is a snake in the restroom." (I had to strangle my inner smart-ass who wanted to ask if it was a brown snake and tell him to just flush it.) "A real snake?" I asked. He assured me it was; so I went to see. It was a two foot long gopher snake, who no doubt thought he had moved into the snake Ritz. Using a broom handle, I gently nudge the little guy out of the men's room, down the hall, and out the door, acquiring a crowd of onlookers as I went along. The last I saw him, he was happily ensconced in the garden waiting for a bug or mouse to eat.

Many are the talents required for the pastoral life.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Thought of the Day From My Secretary


Never hold in your farts...
They will travel up your spine, into your brain, and that's how you get shitty ideas.

(Image courtesy of Vincenzo.)

Friday, June 20, 2008

For Bishop Trautperchild (Pt. II)


As part of my ongoing effort to help liturgists with an impaired vocabulary.

Monday, June 02, 2008

Today Is My Birthday.

Yup, I am 43 today. (Which is a bummer because 43 isn't a firearm caliber. The next years promise to be better.) At 10:56 P. M. on June 2, 1965, I was born in the old hospital in Cedar City, Utah. I was about three weeks late. (Yes, yes, poor mom.)

Here are some other interesting things that happened on this day:


455 - The Vandals enter Rome, and plunder the city for two weeks.
1098 - First Crusade: The first Siege of Antioch ends as Crusader forces take the city. The second siege would later start on June 7.
1615 - First RĂ©collet missionaries arrive at Quebec City, from Rouen, France.
1692 - Bridget Bishop is the first person to go to trial in the Salem witch trials in Salem, Massachusetts, is found guilty, and would go on to be hanged on June 10.
1763 - Pontiac's Rebellion: At what is now Mackinaw City, Michigan, Chippewas capture Fort Michilimackinac by diverting the garrison's attention with a game of lacrosse, then chasing a ball into the fort.
1774 - Intolerable Acts: The Quartering Act, requiring American colonists to let British soldiers into their homes, is reenacted.
1780 - The Derby horse race is held for the first time.
1793 - Jean-Paul Marat recites the names of 29 people to the French National Convention. Almost all of these are guillotined, followed by 17,000 more over the course of the next year during the Reign of Terror.
1800 - First smallpox vaccination in North America, at Trinity, Newfoundland.
1835 - P. T. Barnum and his circus begins their first tour of the United States.
1855 - The Portland Rum Riot occurs in Portland, Maine.
1886 - U.S. President Grover Cleveland marries Frances Folsom in the White House, becoming the only president to wed in the executive mansion.
1896 - Guglielmo Marconi receives a patent for his newest invention: the radio.
1924 - U.S. President Calvin Coolidge signs Indian Citizenship Act into law, granting citizenship to all Native Americans born within the territorial limits of the United States.
1946 - Birth of the Italian Republic: In a referendum Italians decide to turn Italy from a monarchy into a Republic. After this referendum the king of Italy Umberto II di Savoia is exiled. 1953 - Coronation of Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom, the first to be televised.
1955 - USSR and Yugoslavia sign the Belgrade declaration and thus normalize relations between both countries, discontinued since 1948.
1965 - Vietnam War: The first contingent of Australian combat troops arrives in South Vietnam.
1966 - Surveyor program: Surveyor 1 lands in Oceanus Procellarum on the Moon, becoming the first US spacecraft to soft land on another world.
1967 - Protests in West Berlin against the arrival of the Shah of Iran turn into riots, during which Benno Ohnesorg is killed by a police officer. His death results in the founding of the terrorist group Movement 2 June.
1975 - French sex workers occupied a Lyon church in protest against excessive fines and taxes, as well as a lack of police action against violence, thereby sparking the birth of the modern sex worker rights movement.
1979 - Pope John Paul II visits his native Poland, becoming the first Pope to visit a Communist country.
1984 - Operation Bluestar, a military offensive, launched by the Indian government at Harmandir Sahib, also known as Golden Temple, the holiest shrine for the Sikhs, in Amritsar. The operation continued from 2 June to 6 June of the same year, with causalities, most of them civilians, in excess of 5000.
1990 - Lower Ohio Valley tornado outbreak spawns 88 confirmed tornados in Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, and Ohio, killing 12. Petersburg, Indiana was the hardest-hit town in the outbreak, with 6 deaths.
1992 - Denmark rejects the Maastricht Treaty by a thin margin in a national referendum.
1995 - United States Air Force Captain Scott O'Grady's F-16 is shot down over Bosnia while patrolling the NATO no-fly zone.
1997 - In Denver, Colorado, Timothy McVeigh is convicted on 15 counts of murder and conspiracy for his role in the 1995 terrorist bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
2003 - Europe launches its first voyage to another planet, Mars. The European Space Agency's Mars Express probe launches from the Baikonur space centre in Kazakhstan.
2004 - Ken Jennings begins his 74-game winning streak on the syndicated game show Jeopardy!.

Here are some people I share this birthday with:

926 - Murakami, Emperor of Japan (d. 967)
1535 - Pope Leo XI (d. 1605)
1731 - Martha Washington, First American first lady (d. 1802)
1740 - Marquis de Sade, French author (d. 1814)
1743 - Count Alessandro di Cagliostro, Sicilian Occultist (d. 1795)
1773 - John Randolph, U.S. Senator from Virginia (d. 1833)
1835 - Pope Pius X (d. 1914)
1838 - Grand Duchess Alexandra Petrovna (d. 1900)
1930 - Pete Conrad, American astronaut (d. 1999)
1936 - Sally Kellerman, American actress
1940 - King Constantine II of Greece
1941 - Stacy Keach, American actor
1943 - Charles Haid, American actor
1948 - Jerry Mathers, American actor
1955 - Dana Carvey, American actor and comedian
1960 - Kyle Petty, American race car driver
1972 - Wayne Brady, American actor and comedian
1976 - Queen 'Masenate Mohato Seeiso, Queen consort of Lesotho
1978 - Nikki Cox, American actress
1983 - Christopher Higgins, American ice hockey player

And here are some folks who took the dirt nap today:

829 - Saint Nicephorus, Patriarch of Constantinople (b. 758)
910 - Richilde of Provence, Queen of Western Francia
1418 - Katherine of Lancaster, wife of Henry III of Castile
1567 - Shane O'Neill, Irish chieftain
1581 - James Douglas, 4th Earl of Morton, regent of Scotland
1882 - Giuseppe Garibaldi, Italian revolutionarist (b. 1807)
1948 - Karl Brandt, personal physician of Adolf Hitler (b. 1904)
1979 - Jim Hutton, American actor (b. 1934)
1990 - Jack Gilford, American actor (b. 1908)
1990 - Rex Harrison, English actor (b. 1908)
2001 - Imogene Coca, American actress (b. 1908)

How Do You Rate On The Dick (McBrien) Scale?

The Creative Miner-or-ity informs us that Dicky McB is spewing forth on the crack down by spine-ful bishops on dissenting Catholics (i. e. heretics) being granted honors by Catholic institutions. Seem that the South Bend Dick is upset that the crack down is only on those who dissent from matters that Catholics must believe. He wants a crackdown on those who dissent from what he thinks they should believe. In other words, matters which are genuinely debatable.

Get out a pencil and paper and see how you rank on the Dick Scale? ( Give yourself a point for each statement that applies to you.)

1. I support the War Against Terror in Iraq.
2. I oppose open borders and unregulated immigration.
3. I think man-caused Global Warming is a crock of #$().
4. I refuse to celebrate Earth Day or worship Gaia.
5. I support the use of Capital Punishment.
Extra Credit. I think the norms of Ex Corde Ecclesia ought to be enforced.

Lets see how you rank:

5-6 Not a Dick.
3-4 Still not a Dick, but it looks like you are listening to too much NPR.
2-1 Semi-Dick. Put down the NCR.
0 Dick.